You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.
Like imagine you find a 7 year old in the woods and she’s like my mom is gonna kill me because I’m prettier than her and she’s not kidding. You know this queen is that sort of person. So you and your roommates adopt the kid and tell her don’t talk to strangers. And she keeps talking to strangers and getting poison combs stuck in her hair and whatnot.
Like yeah that’s kinda stupid but also she’s seven. She likes apples.
Also imagine it from the hunter’s perspective. The queen tells you this bitch is prettier than me I need you to take her out in the woods and kill her. And then you see who you’re supposed to kill and it’s a 2nd grader. Like how are you supposed to react to that sort of situation? Kill a human child? No. Because you’re not a brainless evil minion you’re just some guy dealing with a cartoonishly evil monarch. Of course you let her go.
Bad look for the Prince of course. Even if she did age while she was in that glass case. He saw a dead woman and just decided to keep her. And once she stopped being dead he was like we’re married now
He did cause the evil queen to dance to death in red hot shoes though. That was kinda cool.
With the acknowledgement that I’m grasping at straws, is it ever directly confirmed that the Prince wasn’t also 7?
See, I think that still works.
You are the guardsman assigned to protect the eight-year-old Prince. You are currently in the middle of the forest because he absolutely had his heart set on “going hunting”, and the royal second-grader should definitely not be traipsing around the woods on his own. You let him go a little on ahead and he comes running back talking about how there’s a dead girl in the clearing and there’s no-one else around and he wants to take her home because she’s really pretty, Hans, and she’s all alone!
You let him drag you to said clearing and okay, that is one angelic-looking dead child alright, and on the one hand the quality of her clothes and the craftsmanship on the coffin (who builds a see-through coffin?) speak to potential Consequences if you simply carry her off, but also for the amount of vines that have grown on the coffin she looks extraordinarily un-decayed, so you should probably get the court alchemist’s opinion on that, and there’s no way he’s going to come all the way out here in his embroidered velvet curly-shoes. And also this kid is technically assigned by God as your natural superior, or something.
So fine. You hoist the coffin onto your shoulder (it’s not like the Prince can do it. He’s eight.) and head back toward the castle, Prince chattering blithely all the way. And then you turn your ankle on a rock and suddenly there’s a thump and a cough and a lot of shouting from inside the coffin and you have now become a key player in a tense political incident with the next kingdom over.
One of my brothers has this thing where he likes to be included on sibling movie night but he will not sit down or actually join us, he’ll just wander around the house and periodically show up to lurk in the doorway or lean on someone’s seat
And *I* have this thing where I always always know when he’s there, because every time he’s not wandering around like the ghost of bob marley and isn’t immediately visible it’s because he’s stopped moving to watch the film from directly behind me, which makes the back of my neck tingle like a dog sensing an earthquake
Which has on more than one occasion resulted in me interrupting the movie to tell him to just sit the fuck down and stop lurking in the shadows, Jesus Christ, it’s like I’m being haunted by the memory of ancient sins
Which has in turn been shortened to just “ancient sins”, every time I feel him doing it again
So to summarize, sometimes when my siblings and I get together for a movie night, we’ll all be sitting in the dark in complete silence until my ass deadpan announces “ancient sins” and a 90 pound 5’11” Slenderman looking motherfucker emerges from the shadows behind me like a jumpscare incarnate in Batman pajamas pants and informs me that we are out of orange soda
ALT
I fucked up a little bit
#To be fair though I think the ghost of bob marley might have gotten through to Scrooge
Not according to the famously scrupulous documentary A Muppet Christmas Carol
asked to leave the dashboard for ‘getting too weird’ while hypothesizing about andrastian mortification of the flesh practices. all i’m SAYING is in a world where female jesus was burned at the stake there Are devout chantry priests with intentionally placed or even deliberately artfully designed self-inflicted burn scars.factually. to me
craziest mage protest to deliberately self-immolate. is what im saying
Had my suspicions but I have finally confirmed it this morning: The rival Pokémon Go team I have been beefing with, whose gym’s total annihilation I have incorporated into my morning routine, is actually a group of local elementary school students
I always wondered why the Pokémon at this gym were so weak but today I left the house before the local students get picked up by the schoolbus and I saw a group of kids congregating around the gym pokestop and I was like “Oh no”
“what did students do before chatgpt?” well one time i forgot i had a history essay due at my 10am class the morning of so over the course of my 30 minute bus ride to school i awkwardly used by backpack as a desk, sped wrote the essay, and got an A on it.
six months later i re-read the essay prior to the final exam, went ’ohhhh yeah i remember this’, got a question on that topic, and aced it.
point being that actually doing the work is how you learn the material and internalize it. ChatGPT can give you a short cut but you won’t build you the the muscles.
Also sometimes you just turned something in late or got a bad grade and that was also part of life and learning.
While other people are out here dropping Kinktober prompt lists with 9000 stipulations, I bring you this.
It’s not a real October event, but it could be if you believe. The prompts are here for anyone to enjoy anyway.
Why “schlock”?
It means trash/junk, and that’s the quality of content I’m striving for with these prompts. It’s also fun to say.
But, y'know, if you want to take a prompt and turn it into a masterpiece of a whumpy longfic, go for it.
What fandom is this for?
Whatever fandom you want.
What ships can I write/draw?
Any of them.
Even [my fandom’s most despised ship]?
Especially [your fandom’s most despised ship].
What if I want to combine prompts?What if I want to write or draw things out of order?What if…
Go for it.
Are crossovers okay?
Do. Whatever. You. Want.
What if I want to create something problematic?
Send me the fucking link.
What does [prompt] mean?
You tell me. It’s all open to interpretation.
Are there any rules at all?
Sure.
No AI use. If you need an LLM to write your schlock for you, consider a long walk off a short pier. If you need it to do your editing for you, use a beta reader instead. A stick figure drawn on the back of a napkin is better than soulless AI art.
Tag appropriately. ‘Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings’ means anything goes. 'No Archive Warnings Apply’ means your work is guaranteed not to contain any of the major archive warnings (non-con, major character death, graphic violence, or underage sex).
No irl bigotry. Your characters can be problematic as all get out, but if you try to post a weird pro-JK Rowling essay or something you’re not going in the collection, bud. Don’t kill the vibes.
ALT
